note to self after day 82

going to the pub on Friday night was NOT a good idea.

black

the two guys in my company mainly talked about alcohol – brave stories and all the things they could not┬ádo if no alcohol was involved – which was quite annoying and boring.

on top of that the sort-of-ex-boy-friend turned up. i do not hate him, i just don’t want to see him, so the last thirty minutes being there i was pretty anxious.

after seeking the solitude of my good old home it took me ages to calm down, to not despair and resisting to go out and buy myself a nice bottle of soothing wine.

instead i took a loooooooooooooooooong hot shower, ate, had chocolate, watched telly.

and today, today, i still feel shitty, sort of sad, grumpy.

i know i want this, but it seems much easier to give in/give up.
aaaargh.

ps see that little light in the black┬ápic? that’s me not giving up

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on day 77 i’m wondering

IF THE BOOZE WAS HIDING THE FACT THAT I’M THINKING I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH?

(not smart enough, not sporty enough, not kind enough, not nice enough, etc)

mfm_feeling