just saying [166]

I can’t believe how sleep deprived I must have been.

currently, if my nights don’t have 7+ hours but preferable 8+ of real comfortable sleep I really feel it at the end of the day.

compare that to my late late nights every night because I had to finish off that second bottle. I had maybe 5 hours of shitty sleep, waking up in between and being nauseous the next morning.

hallelujah and poor old body of mine, have I mistreated that beautiful temple.


(I did a blood test last week on liver functions just for some encouragement. all levels are back to normal. hooray.)

note to self [163]

  • when I was still drinking I didn’t give a hoot if I only could choose between red or white wine at a reception. the only thing that would have worried me was how many times I allowed myself to go back for a free re-fill without feeling I was presenting myself as an alco
  • tonight I was at a reception and my choices were a bad quality cheap fruit juice or water.
    shame on you, you alcoholics 🙂

trying out a daily write routine [160]

which might be short and keyword like – hoping that it helps me ’cause I’m struggling.

last couple of days I have realised I’m bad in reaching out.
whenever I feel bad I hide.
when I feel like crying my mind reprimands me telling me I should stop whining (whining haha, not wining).

last week at work I had a bit of a breakdown and I started crying. with a laugh in between and many words to cover up what was happening. but damn I cried in front of two colleagues.

i am freakin’ tired of it all and feel alone and want somebody to take care of me.
now comes the funny part and I repeat “whenever I feel bad I hide”… how the f can somebody (anybody) look after me when I’m hiding? (and yes, I’ve done this for a long time hence why the booze came in so handy).