so that were day 3, 4 and 5… (old post, but forgot to publish)

and I am pleased to say without much trouble or sad thoughts.
I had not too many headaches in the afternoon, good sleeps (although one night I dreamt I smoked siggies and drank alcohol). actually i find it amazing how nice it is to wake up with a clear head and not having this underlying nausea. how many fucking times did I woke up that way?! how many fucking times I went to work half drunk, being very aware of it and hiding from colleagues?!

some other interesting observations

  • time! I’ve got so much time. came home on Friday night and after a cuddle session with the cat i started cleaning kitchen drawers. on Friday;
  • instead of rushing home after work I stopped twice at the sea this week and had a lovely refreshing renewing dive in the sea;
  • one night I made a long walk which cleared my headache;
  • so far I told four people I am cutting down for a while because i’m drinking too much. two of them said “oooh, but you can just have one can’t you, it is just all about controlling it (yeah duh)” and one of those even came by at my place with a bottle of wine and asked me if I wanted a little drink! in hindsight I am a bit angry about that. my new story is I’m doing the 100-day challenge (…am I?);
  • that same person – who is a sort-of-ex-but-not-really – is suddenly in contact after sort-of-breaking-up with me over two months ago. he is a drinker, smoker and has not proven to be reliable. why am I letting him in?;
  • my very best friend who lives far away and gave me a hard time about drinking last time she stayed with me for about two weeks, is very proud of me. she’s one of the ones that knows I am a bad can-not-stop-drinking-once-started person so I appreciate her comments highly.

and now it is weekend. many things that I could do and I haven’t made up my mind. am sure that cleaning will be a part of it as I really want to get rid of clutter and dirtiness. and walking. and maybe a movie. and visiting one of my drink buddies to tell her the news.

have a great weekend xx

day 2 has arrived

Hi me,

I was quiet happy with myself this morning that I did it: the first AH free day in years, and it wasn’t that hard.

Probably because I was still hung over yesterday – but normally I would have had a couple of drinks, read bottle of wine – to get rid of it. What also helped was going to my choir. I’m quite new so am anonymous and could sing my heart out without having to talk much.

Today – when getting back from work – I am having a headache. Again. But not from drinking. I do remember that from before – is it the poison that’s leaving my body? Or? Would appreciate if somebody can explain – will do some Google searching later on…

Am now going for a fastwalk-walk, hopefully fresh air will help.

Bye!

being scared… this is day 1

Hi me,

Have had a headache all day due to way too much wine yesterday.
I must have made the decision last night as this morning I found all bottles emptied in the sink.
And oh irony, I can’t remember that I emptied them. I must have done that though.

I really can’t remember when I had an alcohol free day. It must be over 10 years, during my first serious attempt to quit drinking.

Well. Here I go and as they say – one day at the time.

xx

I am tired of it

Resumé of the amount of empty bottles of wine this week (and hé – the week hasn’t ended yet) – 9 bottles.
According to the labels the bottles contain between 7-8 standards standard drinks.
Taking the 8 – which is fair, as I had a few drinks outside my safe home – will bring the total at present to 9 * 8 = 72, which is way more than the 14 units they advise is healthy for women.

Have read quite a few books in the last couple of weeks about this subject and started a 4th today

  1. Drink : the intimate relationship between women and alcohol (Susan Nolan-Hoeksema)
  2. The sober revolution (Sarah Turner)
  3. Cleaning up : how I gave up drinking and lived (Tania Glyde)
  4. Mrs D is Going Without (Lotta Dann)

So much to recognise, especially the guilt, the guilt, the guilt and angst.

When will I make the decision as I’m starting to realise I am one of those who can’t control the drinking?

It’s never enough