i don’t think i have found a proper way yet to handle the little drama’s in my own little life. i feel the current drama with my youngest brother is so unjust that my heart is racing, from sadness, hurt, anger.
i know what i would have done if this had happened in the past, most likely i had now opened my second bottle of wine, while doing that i would have called friends and told them all about it and would have cried and would be lingering in self pity.
in the end i probably would have taken it all on me. all my fault. me bad. you are right. i will be better next time.
i can’t do it any more.
not the booze, but not the blame or guilt either.
is it wrong to think i can not change what somebody else think of me?
(the difficult part is that i think the above is sort of correct but my mind keeps swinging between both guilt/wanting to fix/aka hard to let go)