leaving…[461]

leaving

a bad sort-of-ex-boyfriend relationship feels similar to quitting the booze.

i seriously had a day one (checking the phone every five mins,”may be i find a bouquet of flowers when i get home”, “shall i text him or not”, sitting on my hands – do not text him! and so on and in other words – obsessed with what i am trying to ban out of my life)

it’s now nearly a week and i get those thoughts. they go like this: “but it wasn’t that bad”, “as long as you don’t fall in love again there’s no risk seeing him now and then”, “maybe he does turn around one day, maybe this is how he shows his love”, “we would really make a good couple, if only …” (see what i am doing here? big similarities with what some people call the wine witch and others wolfie)

so. thus. i have decided i am allowed to be a bit sad today (just a bit – and may be it is not even about him, but just about the feeling i’ve lost something, the hope, the love i felt). oh. and i also bought ice cream, cookies and promised myself a glorious time in the tub.

because i am worth it!

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2 thoughts on “leaving…[461]

  1. I reckon it’s just fine to feel a bit sad, to work through those irrational “maybe this is how he shows his love” thoughts (and the rest!). You’re so right in comparing those feelings to how it is when you give up the booze. It was for me anyway; the grief, the anger, the “I know you’re no good for me and I don’t want you any more but I don’t anyone else to have you either” feelings. Thankfully they pass! Hoorah for that – and a glorious time in the tub is never time wasted x.

    Liked by 1 person

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