alive and kickin’ (132d)

every 3rd Friday I now allow myself to have a massage.

until now it has been because my right shoulder and lower back were stuck and in pain – and I have made a promise to myself to look better after my one and only body.

last Friday my masseur asked me what he could do for me…after a bit of hesitation I sort of admitted I was feeling good and that my shoulder and lower back were good and that I actually just allowed myself a massage because I felt… I deserved it.

(I’ve come to the realisation that every single day I needed wine to make myself forget that I didn’t like myself only to wake up to the fact that I didn’t like myself even more. again too much wine, again a hangover, again no control, again the mail/text/phone call checking). all until 5 o’clock where the whole ritual started over again.)

I feel this is another milestone in my journey.

(sometimes I feel sad about all that time wasted but than I tell myself that it’s not about the past nor tomorrow. it’s about now.)

bless all of you who are discovering yourselves. xx

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