31 days…the spell has gone

I have been home sick for 2 days now and longing for something to drink.
Looks like the spell of being happy with my decision is broken – and that started last Sunday.

Guess this has mainly to do with not feeling good or not liking to feel angry.

Sunday my neighbours did some work in my garden (to save their gutter which was overgrown with my ivy). I made very clear they shouldn’t touch the beautiful bougainvillea – well, they could touch it – but leave the flowers etc.
I left my house because of the noise of the chainsaw and when I was at my friends place I got at text they had taken her down completely. I felt very angry and powerless and angry again and really wanted to go straight to the shop and buy some wine.

Now I’m sick at home and did not go to work and have headaches and am sneezing and am getting bored and am annoyed when people call me and talk for a long time about themselves and annoyed when they give me tips and I do not want to talk about myself and feel pity for myself and feel guilty cause I am not sure if I am really so sick and above all I feel like having a bottle of wine so I can stop feeling annoyed and lonely and not understood and sick.

Bottom line is I want to feel good because then I am okay with not drinking.

Haha. Wake me up. Guess this is crucial.

angry

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2 thoughts on “31 days…the spell has gone

  1. Maybe it’s something to do with this length of time? I’m 34 days and feel exactly the same! Totally peeved off that I can’t get a bottle of wine on my way home when I’ve had a very hard week and have a long and stressful weekend ahead of me. GRRRRRRRRR.
    Sometimes a cup of tea just doesn’t cut the mustard.

    Like

    • dunno what it is – probably a combination of the amount of time since and not handling “not feeling good / being grumpy” very well. I used to pump myself up again with wine I guess.
      I did notice that writing it down last night helped…so that could be a trick for now.

      you take care this weekend – don’t let it get you!

      Like

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