I have been home sick for 2 days now and longing for something to drink.
Looks like the spell of being happy with my decision is broken – and that started last Sunday.
Guess this has mainly to do with not feeling good or not liking to feel angry.
Sunday my neighbours did some work in my garden (to save their gutter which was overgrown with my ivy). I made very clear they shouldn’t touch the beautiful bougainvillea – well, they could touch it – but leave the flowers etc.
I left my house because of the noise of the chainsaw and when I was at my friends place I got at text they had taken her down completely. I felt very angry and powerless and angry again and really wanted to go straight to the shop and buy some wine.
Now I’m sick at home and did not go to work and have headaches and am sneezing and am getting bored and am annoyed when people call me and talk for a long time about themselves and annoyed when they give me tips and I do not want to talk about myself and feel pity for myself and feel guilty cause I am not sure if I am really so sick and above all I feel like having a bottle of wine so I can stop feeling annoyed and lonely and not understood and sick.
Bottom line is I want to feel good because then I am okay with not drinking.
Haha. Wake me up. Guess this is crucial.